You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
