Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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