im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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