Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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