Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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