Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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