i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
