Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
