Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
