I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
