he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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