My room smells like vodka and shame
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
