everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
