she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
