i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
