There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
