Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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