Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
