you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
