i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
