I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
