haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
