Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's shark week go big or go home
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
