I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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