Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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