I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
