Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
