There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
