They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
