no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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