Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
