Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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