I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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