I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
