hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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