My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
