I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
