More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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