She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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