dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
