i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this beer tastes like vomit already
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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