We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
