You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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