Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
