Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
