Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
