i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
