my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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