I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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