he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
