I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
