We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What drink are we having for lunch?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
