if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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